Night
Apprentice
"Strange, thats how I am"
Posts: 83
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.P.ain
Jan 12, 2008 4:33:39 GMT -5
Post by Night on Jan 12, 2008 4:33:39 GMT -5
Tell me none of this is real. Tell me its all a dream. Tell me this will fade away, And no one will hear me scream.
The wind howled through the trees as the night stars and the moon was hidden by dark clouds that drifted and wisped this way and that. Rustling in the leaves caused the forest to be whispering to anyone who wanted to listen. It was whispering secrets that no one understood, and no one really needed. Light paw steps threw a few noises out of whack for a moment before they faded in with the rest of the noises of the forest. Shuffling and skidding to a halt the owner to the noise looked around before small muffled sob made her slim shoulders shake lightly. Shaking her pelt she jumped at the nearest tree and climbed up to a branch about five tail lengths from the ground.
I can’t live this way anymore. The pain takes hold and I can’t stand it. I need this to stop, I can’t stand to life like this.
The cat that now sat up in the tree staring through the foliage and up to the cloud covered sky was a cat whose name was Nightrunner. Her name suited her well for she found comfort in the night and ran through the territory, trying to escape horrors that haunted her. No cat in the clan truly knew her anymore and none could find the chance to. Always a quieter cat she’d grown near silent and a few apprentices believed her to be mute. A slightly dejected look had overtaken her usually smirk covered face that she’d had in her apprenticeship. Toms had stopped padding after her when they’d found her unwilling to chat to them or even give them a sniff.
Nightrunner wasn’t a bad warrior; no on the contrary she swamped herself in duties. If she could keep her mind busy, than she wouldn’t be able to think of the grief that ate at her heart. If she could keep her mind busy, than she wouldn’t have to think of the losses she’d face. If she kept her mind busy, than she could be safe from pain. Tonight though she let part of that sorrow to the surface and the sobs wracked through her as tears wet her muzzle. The sobs were muffled, but it was obvious what she was doing, and to most it’d be awkward the moment anyone scented who she was.
Her scent was one of the oddest, or so she’d been told by some of her friends… before they’d found mates and been to busy for her sorrows. They’d told her that she was like the night sky. They’d told her that she smelled like a star and the moon. They’d told her that she smelled of mystery most of all. At the time Night had thought nothing of it and she still didn’t. Now her long tail hung down from the branch she perched on as her small paws held her steady on the branch. Sharp face was turned to the sky as pointed ears were tipped backwards. Her shoulders were slight as was the rest of her lanky frame. Taller than many cats she was very slender but that didn’t mean to over estimate her: underneath her night sky black pelt were hard muscles that made her a force to be reckoned with. If only you knew this pain. Though I pray you never will. My heart is shattered, And I’m just trying to pick up the pieces.
The muffled sobs carried lightly on the wind and were nearly drowned out by the rustling leaves. Still the sadness hung in the air like a curtain and it was almost impossible to miss if you got close enough. Suddenly the clouds cleared and the moonlight shone down and set an eerie glow to the black she’s pelt and sending her slightly orange eyes flashing back to a bright yellow as the orange retreated to the pupil. She didn’t want pity, for that was what she’d been given since her family and mate had died. No, she wanted someone to kick her into shape. Night wanted someone who understood but still knew that she couldn’t keep living like this. Though she wouldn’t admit it, she needed help.
Once kind, my heart no longer knows how. Its locked away and I’ve lost the key. This pain is getting so strong, I can’t live this way, But I don’t know how to pick my life back up. [/size]
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.P.ain
Jan 12, 2008 14:33:30 GMT -5
Post by shadowsoul on Jan 12, 2008 14:33:30 GMT -5
((D'you mind if Duskflight comes by?))
--enter Duskflight--
White paws made almost no sound as they padded along the forest floor, weaving expertly around ferns and bushes. The leaves rustled slightly in a breeze that died quickly as Duskflight stealthily moved forward, ears straight up, mouth open to catch any scents, and eyes warily looking around.
It wasn't long before he came to a small puddle in a dip of rock on the ground. A puddle? It hadn't rained that much recently... it must have been a big puddle to begin with, the deputy thought, stepping up to it and peering at its shallow surface. In the little light in the forest, he could dimly see his reflection, black and white face staring back at him, mouth fixed in an unreadable line. But what caught his gaze were his own eyes, glowing light purple in the dim moonlight, a sharp contrast to the black fur around them. He stared, temporarily transfixed, remembering words from long ago.
"You know, they say the eyes are the window to the soul, Duskpaw. Your eyes are so bright in the moonlight... I feel like I can see the real you through them."
Suddenly Duskflight shook himself, closing those same eyes. Why was he remembering that now? It had been so long... looking up at the sky, where, for a fraction of a moment he could see a shard of white, he decided it was the moon. That StarClan-forsaken ball of dirt... it always made him think of her. But there was no use. She wasn't coming back, and that was why his eyes never shined so bright.
Casting it out of his mind, the deputy continued padding through the trees, searching for some sign of prey. The oak was usually not a bad place to look for small animals... raising his head, he scented the wind, and then paused. There was a scent, but it was no rabbit or mouse. And he thought he could hear muffled noises too... silent as a stone, Duskflight stood in the darkness, trying to pinpoint whatever was out there.
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Night
Apprentice
"Strange, thats how I am"
Posts: 83
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.P.ain
Jan 12, 2008 18:15:59 GMT -5
Post by Night on Jan 12, 2008 18:15:59 GMT -5
-I don't mind at all-
Eyes sparkled with tears but they still glowed dimly. The once bright yellow was never the same after she lost Yarrowbite and Juniperpaw. Every cat in the clan had watched the three friends grow up together, closer than brambles. Shaking the images of her golden tabby and sorrel tortoiseshell colored friends that she'd lost she tried to regain her composure. Glancing around she spotted the old burnt oak and than the slightly trembling underbrush. Small muffled sigh passed her lips before a voice as shifting as a river but as lovely as the night sky quietly rang out," This night of all nights. I should of just gone on a patrol... or something." It was quiet and barely rose upon the rustling of the leaves.
Rolling her shoulders she gave another sigh before rising to her paws. As she stepped farther out on the branch, leaving her shadowy refuge. Pelt shimmered as moonlight danced across it. Her frame was thin, probably a little thinner than was healthy. Walking out along the branch she exposed herself to the forest and the sky. Long tail swished behind her, slightly dejectedly, as she walked nearly to the end of the branch. Taking one swift glance around with flashing yellow eyes she soon settled herself down to sitting once more. This was completely ridiculous! They'd been gone for a few moons now. Yes, she knew she had a reason to grieve, but their faces haunted her mind.
Finally she got sick of sitting in the tree and gave a small annoyed growl to herself... and at herself. Rising to her paws once more she looked to the forest floor that lay tail lengths away. Taking a deep breath she leaped from the branch and seemed to glide though the air. Legs were stretched as her eyes turned to the sky slightly, her tail streaming out behind her. The moment seemed to last for a long time before paws touched to the ground silently. Night stumbled slightly and cursed herself beneath her breath. Rolling her shoulders she glanced around, eyes the same cold indifference as always. That is until she looked to the side and emotion slipped through the mask. Horrible sadness flashed across her face as she stood there, thinking she was alone.
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.P.ain
Jan 12, 2008 19:15:53 GMT -5
Post by shadowsoul on Jan 12, 2008 19:15:53 GMT -5
Duskflight crouched down on the ground, thinking quickly but calmly. If it was an enemy, he'd need to locate them before they found him. He knew that if he could get the first move in, he'd have an advantage, no matter how many other cats were around. He wasn't unused to fighting alone. He knew he shouldn't have been out here by himself in the first place, especially at this time of night, but no one was going to stop him. Most cats knew he needed his space.
Swiveling his ears around, the deputy's purple eyes scanned the area, peering through the darkness. The scent was still there... suddenly a cricket chirped from somewhere behind him, and he almost flinched. Instead, he turned his head, whiskers twitching. The scent was too faint for him to be sure who it was. Standing a bit straighter, he began to follow it, keeping low to the ground.
An ear twitched. Another sound... but this time it sounded like a voice. Then out of nowhere, a shape fell to the ground, and Duskflight's claws instinctively unsheathed. It was a cat, black -- even with his good vision, he couldn't completely see a black cat in the dark. But he was fairly certain the scent was his own, NightClan. Even so...
"Who goes there?" he called out, trying not to startle the other cat too much.
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Night
Apprentice
"Strange, thats how I am"
Posts: 83
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.P.ain
Jan 14, 2008 6:44:52 GMT -5
Post by Night on Jan 14, 2008 6:44:52 GMT -5
Lost in her own thoughts Night had just been staring up at the sky. Still a small brushing sound made her fur prickle and she rose from sitting on the ground and in one graceful move swung around with a small snarl set on her now cold and emotionless face. Eyes were narrowed as she tried to make out who it was when the voice suddenly rang out.
"Who goes there?"
It sounded like... oh what was his name?! Thinking quickly as she tried to flatten her irritated pelt and stand in the cold stance she was used to. Finally the name flashed through her mind. Duskflight! It was just the deputy. Ha only Night could put it so simply. Still she shook her pelt once before stepping towards the black and white shape she could just make out. His eyes flashed before she finally stopped just in front of him and said in a cold voice that laid shame to the other that she was possible of,"Its only Nightrunner, Duskflight." Her eyes seemed to be made of stone as she stood there just staring at him. It could be quite unnerving,but she knew the deputy wouldn't be put off by it. That's the only reason she even met his eyes.
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.P.ain
Jan 14, 2008 18:22:39 GMT -5
Post by shadowsoul on Jan 14, 2008 18:22:39 GMT -5
Nightrunner. The name registered in Duskflight's mind. He'd heard it before, of course -- she was one of the warriors of his Clan. He could imagine the face that went with the name, too. And yet, he felt he really didn't know this warrior. Not that he really knew any cats -- he didn't make it his business to be chummy to the Clan, just help run it. No one cat stood out in his mind as a particular 'friend.' But he still didn't know much about Nightrunner.
Relaxing -- a little -- Duskflight straightened, purple eyes gazing directly into the other cat's orange (?) ones. Well, at least she wasn't an enemy, he decided, resheathing his claws but not moving.
Part of the deputy was curious to know why she was out here in the middle of the night, but another part of him knew it wasn't his business, so he didn't really care. After all, they were NightClan, and she was Nightrunner. Still, for a cat to be alone in the middle of the territory at this time...
Don't ask stupid questions, he silently told himself. You're out here just as isolated at the same time. Thus, the stoic tom could think of nothing to say, so he waited indifferently to see if the other cat wished to speak. If not, he could get back to hunting. If so... then he might as well listen.
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Night
Apprentice
"Strange, thats how I am"
Posts: 83
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.P.ain
Jan 15, 2008 7:21:42 GMT -5
Post by Night on Jan 15, 2008 7:21:42 GMT -5
Night's eyes glowed an eerie orange as shadows hid her form and she glanced to Duskflight. She saw him relax but her form stayed rigid and tense, like she was always waiting for an enemy to jump from the underbrush. Maybe this came from to many sleepless nights. Still when she turned her eyes to the sky and moonlight lit them up the orange seemed to seep from them and eyes flashed a brilliant yellow that seemed dulled and nearly lifeless. In a certain way Night had become a zombie. Doing all of her duties she drifted around camp not even talking to anyone unless completely necessary. No one asked her to join their patrols, despite her speed and prowess, but she slunk into them and followed farther behind the rest. Sometimes she just went alone.
Thoughts flitted through her head and this showed as her eyes got a small cloud over them. Shaking those away with a flick of her tail her face turned to stone before she turned her eyes back to Duskflight, they now burned orange as shadows overtook them once more. Now what might the deputy be doing out here by his lonesome? Well probably the same thing she was, trying to get away from the others, and just trying to be alone. Nose wrinkled ever so slightly as she thought of things that had happened today. Sometimes the other warriors were so cruel, and they thought she'd do nothing about it. Ooo that crowfood of a warrior had rubbed her fur the wrong way, still she'd given him a few new scars to riddle his pelt. Stop getting distracted Night!! She wanted to growl to herself, but talking to yourself wasn't normal.
It wasn't until that moment when she could push all nagging thoughts from her mind that she noticed the silence. At this time silence was what she was used to. Tilting her head ever so slightly she thought of whether to speak or not. Well she could try to sat something....nothing to personal. Okay only one thing was in her mind and that was going on a patrol before any other cats find her. Part of her was greatful that it'd been Duskflight. Finally her voice came forwards, now it wasn't quite to cold edge that everyone else heard. It had mystery and even sounded like the stars. Words were simple enough but left mystery streaming from the she cat.
"Alright Duskflight, well.... I'm going to patrol. Have a good night."
That said she gave a small stretch before turning around and starting to pad away towards one of the borders. She wasn't sure which border yet, but she'd know when she got there. Maybe she'd hunt a little... hmm that sounded reasonable. That decided she quieted her steps even more,if that was possible, and sounded pretty much silent on her paws. In her mind she'd decided that if Duskflight followed she wouldn't send him away. Only a small part of her craved the bonds that many warriors had in her clan, but that part was usually over ruled by the pain she knew could follow. Duskflight was quiet, and she was fairly sure she could handle that. Maybe she wanted his quiet presence? If only for tonight it might calm her lightning struck nerves. Right at that moment she stepped on a twig while she was lost in her thoughts. Giving a small snarl she decided against doing anything else tonight. That decided she sat down where she was,still in sight of Duskflight, but right now she didn't care who was around. Turning her face to the sky she let the moonlight dance across her pelt through the bare branches. Not even glancing to Duskflight it was almost as if she was ignoring him, that is... until she looked to him and than flicked her tail before turning eyes back to the sky. Soon enough her voice came once more.
"Duskflight....would you understand if I told you I had no heart?"
The question was quiet and she knew that he'd have to really strain to hear it, but maybe tonight....maybe she'd try doing something that scared her to death. Maybe she'd try to explain why she was, and if only this one solitary cat knew her... maybe that'd be best. Still if she did this... she wouldn't want to leave anyone behind when it was her turn to go to Starclan. THe less pain she caused the better. When her parents died, her mate and than her best friend... her heart had been torn from her chest. Maybe....just maybe she'd try something normal.
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.P.ain
Jan 15, 2008 19:59:50 GMT -5
Post by shadowsoul on Jan 15, 2008 19:59:50 GMT -5
Silence.
Duskflight wasn't too surprised. Two quiet cats, alone in the woods at night... the only sound was the soft rustling of dying leaves in the trees above, and then it was peaceful again. The deputy's eyes focused on Nightrunner's, watching as they flickered from orange to yellow in the shifting light. The eyes are the window to the soul... So why did he feel he couldn't glean much information from them? Maybe he was too anti-social to understand...
Then the she-cat spoke, and while he wasn't sure, Duskflight felt that her voice was somehow different now. But he couldn't be sure -- he'd hardly ever heard her voice. Instead of replying in words, he nodded to her and looked off into the dark forest surrounding them. There was less prey around at night... but he was determined to catch something anyway. Where to start? He was listening for any sound of life around him when a twig abruptly snapped, and he turned back to see Nightrunner now sitting on the ground a ways away. What happened to patrolling? he thought, but didn't speak. It turned out he didn't have to -- she did first.
"Would you understand if I told you I had no heart?"
Duskflight froze, lost in thought. No heart? It was an eerie thought... Directing his gaze towards the moon, which he could see through the crossing branches overhead, he knew he had never been good with emotions. She had been much better -- the only one he could really talk to. But since then, he found he hadn't had much to say.
"No heart?" he questioned, not wanting so sound clueless, or like an echo, but knowing no other words to speak.
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Night
Apprentice
"Strange, thats how I am"
Posts: 83
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.P.ain
Jan 15, 2008 20:17:19 GMT -5
Post by Night on Jan 15, 2008 20:17:19 GMT -5
Night might of chuckled at the questioning tone before everything had happened, but she just stayed silent and gazed towards the sky. How could she articulate things that she felt she should say that night? This tom cat who was her deputy but that she barely knew was waiting for her to answer. Why should she even tell him anything? Suddenly a deep voice drifted through her thoughts, "Because you have to.[/i]" It was Yarrowbite and it was something he'd told her everytime she'd questioned him on why she had to to anything. The voice in her thoughts made her sigh before she drifted back to the present and away from her golden pelted friend that had left her alone in this clan.
After what seemed like forever but was really only a couple of moments her voice came again," Yes, like when you give it to someone and than they leave... they take it with them. This is very odd even talking and I know it makes you a little uncomfortable. We don't even know each other despite the fact that we're in the same clan. I don't know anyone anymore. Yarrowbite always made sure that I never got buried to deep into my duties. He was always better at talking and having fun." Though her voice was even and never faltered there was a whispery sadness hidden in it. Turning her eyes from the sky they went back to meet Duskflight's purple ones but now the orange orbs were slightly different. Instead of cold and lifeless they swirled with a torrent of different emotions, but in a guarded and unsure way. Night was trusting Duskflight, which was something she hadn't done since she'd lost everyone dear to her, and now she was letting him glimpse just the slightest bit into her mind through her eyes. In almost an instant they dulled once more and were the same cold and lifeless pits they'd been earlier.
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.P.ain
Jan 15, 2008 22:04:01 GMT -5
Post by shadowsoul on Jan 15, 2008 22:04:01 GMT -5
Duskflight watched quietly as Nightrunner looked to the sky. Whether she wanted to talk about it or not, he was indifferent. Talking wasn't his strong suit anyway, especially about things that involved the heart. Oh, he could give orders, and he could discuss battle plans, and he could lecture apprentices about the correct way to stalk a mouse, but his emotions were not words likely to come out of his mouth, even if he wanted them to.
Nightrunner seemed to him to be of a similar persuasion. Yet now she was talking to him... and he felt the fur on the back of his neck threatening to stand on end. Not fear, not anger, but those words... When you give your heart to someone and then they leave...they take it with them. He silently agreed, it was a little odd to have this conversation with someone he didn't really know. But at the same time, it was... intriguing.
The deputy's eyes met Nightrunner's again, and he silently mused he probably hadn't spent this much time looking at another cat for no real reason in quite a while. But the thought slipped away quickly as he realized he saw something in those eyes now, some emotion that he recognized but couldn't identify... and then it was gone. Was he imagining things? Or was he beginning to see what she had meant, that night moons and moons ago?
For a moment the deputy only stood, listening to the faint chirp of a cricket. His voice was, as per normal, almost emotionless when he finally spoke, and despite his apparent understanding, no part of his expression changed.
"And then it feels like your heart is gone, and the space where it used to be seems so empty you can barely imagine anymore what it was like to feel it beat."
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Night
Apprentice
"Strange, thats how I am"
Posts: 83
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.P.ain
Jan 16, 2008 18:51:20 GMT -5
Post by Night on Jan 16, 2008 18:51:20 GMT -5
Something odd crossed Night's face just then. It didn't look right on her cold and nearly lifeless face. That smile just looked unnatural and that's why it only stayed for a few moments. He understood what she meant. Well at least she knew of someone who did and that was a slight comfort. Not looking to him she said," Exactly, I knew you'd understand. You seem to be hurting in a silent way just like myself. Except now.... I'm not to silent." It was odd talking aloud after being silent for so long. Oh how she missed her Yarrowbite who could make her laugh over nothing and make her cry when it was needed. He knew how her mind worked and now there was no one to know how anything went.
The stars seemed out of place and even the moon was strange to her. Everything seemed.... duller than when she'd had Yarrowbite and Juniperpaw at her sides. They made her who she was. Without them she might of had no friends and just buried herself in duties like she did now. Her auds twitched at how far she'd fallen from her normal self. Maybe this was her normal self now. Maybe she'd never be able to be the kind hearted soul she'd been in her earlier moons. Could she handle that? Hopefully.
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.P.ain
Jan 16, 2008 21:08:35 GMT -5
Post by shadowsoul on Jan 16, 2008 21:08:35 GMT -5
Motionless, Duskflight stood watching Nightrunner. Hurting in a silent way... The words resonated in his head, and the tom's purple eyes seemed to dull for a moment as he thought about it. Truly, he knew no other way to hurt. To show that kind of emotion would be a sign of weakness, proof that you could be broken. Matters of the heart were meant to exist in the heart, not on the outside, so he had left it to dwell below the surface, where it had belonged. And with no outlet, he was sure those useless emotions, the pain and sorrow, were disappearing. It was better that way -- he had no use for them.
Duskflight had to keep himself from looking up at the sky again. To see that moon, shining in the air like a diamond among coal, the only pure light in a sky so dark... Why was he thinking like this tonight? To think of her... he hadn't in such a long time. There was no point. It would only distract him from the things he needed to do now, so he didn't anymore. He had moved past that and almost forgotten. Yet tonight of all nights, it had suddenly come back. Why?
A soft rush of air ruffling his fur brought Duskflight back to the real world. Did he just... space out? No, this wasn't like him... he shook his head, trying to clear it. Thoughts that distracted you from your surroundings when you were alone -- well, almost alone -- in the forest were not okay. Yet he was curious, about it all. But as he stood there, with so many questions in his mind, he could think of nothing to say that wouldn't intrude upon Nightrunner's own life.
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Night
Apprentice
"Strange, thats how I am"
Posts: 83
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.P.ain
Jan 16, 2008 21:18:12 GMT -5
Post by Night on Jan 16, 2008 21:18:12 GMT -5
Black pelt sparkled as if she'd walked through a pool filled with starlight. How had she come to this night? Why had she started to contemplate what she'd become? It wasn't because of Duskflight though he'd become a catalyst in her current state. In his silent way she could still sense something boiling beneath the surface. He was just like her, hurting with no vent to the world. Wasn't that weakness? To show one's hurt to the whole world? Her father had been fine keeping his feelings inside and not passing them to anyone. After all she was nearly just like the late warrior.... shouldn't she have the same philosophy? Yes. Yes she should because it was the only thing that seemed to make sense right now.
Auds flicked before she said quietly," I am very sorry Duskflight for intruding upon your quiet evening like this. A moment of temporary insanity it seems like to me. Venting? Ha, my father would laugh most likely." In the pit of her stomach she could sense the lie in her own words. He wouldn't laugh. No, he'd shake his head and than tell her that she should share some things with others. Was nearly a complete stranger what he had in mind? Ugh how she hated herself for seeming so weak! How could she be a true warrior when her emotions dragged her out into the forest at night?! When this thought went through her mind her slightly slumped shoulders squared as she drew herself up into a more dignified position. Why should she cave to these emotions? She'd fought them off up til now and she could surely continue. That is if her insides weren't shredded from the pain. Stop this Night!
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Jan 16, 2008 22:08:13 GMT -5
Post by shadowsoul on Jan 16, 2008 22:08:13 GMT -5
How did it used to be so easy?
Duskflight knew there was a time when he had talked about himself. Well, no, it had never been easy. But it had been possible. Now, he saw no need to tell others about himself. Why would they care, anyway? And besides, the more anyone knew about you, the more of an advantage they'd have over you. It was something that she had never truly understood.
Somehow, he felt he could sense the other cat's unease. Maybe she was the same way as him. He wasn't uncomfortable, so to say, just... unsure. What was he to do? He came out here to hunt, that's all. Not specifically to be alone, although he liked hunting alone more than with a group. This wasn't normally something he thought about. But it had been brought to the forefront of his mind now, and he wasn't going to just drop it.
"That's not a problem," he said, sounding more indifferent than carefree. Temporary insanity? He'd always wondered what insanity felt like... feeling the need to say something else so she wouldn't feel like she was talking to a rock -- he knew it bothered some cats when he didn't talk back, although that usually didn't make him -- he added, "Your father?" He guessed it might be a sort of touchy subject to her, but she seemed to almost want to talk about it. The deputy wasn't quite sure who her father was, but he wondered if he had known him. After all, he had never known his own father...
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Night
Apprentice
"Strange, thats how I am"
Posts: 83
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.P.ain
Jan 17, 2008 20:43:45 GMT -5
Post by Night on Jan 17, 2008 20:43:45 GMT -5
Night nearly smiled at the mention of her father. Oh how he'd been a keen cat that was nearly chosen to be the deputy himself. The silver bengal tom had been the tallest and fastest cat in the clan and he'd been the most selfless. He was a true warrior and was happy to prove this to everyone. Bloodclaw. Yes her father Bloodclaw was well known for the battles he fought and the ways he helped save his clan. Finally after musing over this she said," Yes, my father Bloodclaw. He wasn't a loud cat and liked to keep things to himself. Found it better that way. He only talked to my mom, Wintercall."
Oh her mother had been quite a sought after she in her prime, but she'd given her heart willingly to the distant Bloodclaw. She too was a silver bengal and how the two bengals had produced a pitch black kit was pure mystery to many in the clan. Wintercall was kind and warm to everyone. She helped the queens and would chat happily with the elders. Wintercall helped everyone, even those who were nothing but cruel to her. Those cats though were few because many couldn't resist her warm yellow eyes and soft touch. If only Night could be more like that, but no she strove to be just like her father. Maybe she'd become to much like her father.
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